


john mulaney bull?

by georgiehensley



Category: US Comedians RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Furry, Gen, Inspired by Zootopia (2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16359119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiehensley/pseuds/georgiehensley
Summary: john flirts with some bulls. naturally, it does not go well.





	john mulaney bull?

**Author's Note:**

> okay basically this is like a zootopia-esque au where john's a wolf but he's gay and tries flirting with bulls. think like the size difference between nick wilde and chief bogo from the film. also nick kroll makes an appearance. he's a sea otter, so he's smaller than john.
> 
> someone commented on my other mulaney fic asking for furry stuff, so i hope you're happy, anonymous commenter. 
> 
> ~~(honestly i was gonna just let that comment go but chatting with a friend gave me the inspiration to write this so enjoy some silly cute furry stuff bc i don't do that nasty shit.)~~

there's a group of bulls huddled around the bar, sipping their hard drinks and laughing over something. john assumes they’re all cops, laughing over stories from the academy.

he smiles as he feels a surge of confidence hit him. he licks his paw and runs it over the tuft of fur at the top of his head, matting it down. he fixes his collar and strolls towards the bar.

“‘scuse me, gentlemen,” he says as he approaches in a loud voice. “can i buy one of you a drink?” there's a pause, and suddenly the bulls all start laughing, their booming chuckles making the floor shake beneath john’s feet.

“a wolf? flirting with bulls?” one of the bulls says.

“i think we’d crush you,” another adds. “best to stay away, for your own safety.” more laughter. john sighs.

“have you guys ever noticed how hard it is to make a happy birthday sign?” he says. “you start out big with the h, a, and p, and then--”

“ _ john _ .”

john glances down when he feels someone tugging on his paw. nick stands next to him, trying to pull him away.

“ _ what _ ?”

“just go, it's not working,” nick says. “bulls and wolves don't go together.” john sighs again.

“gentlemen,” he says, loudly. “it was a pleasure meeting all of you. hope we run into each other again sometime.” several bulls laugh.

“don't get your hopes up,” one mutters under his breath. john feels nick tug on his paw again. he reluctantly follows after him.


End file.
